Babies cry as a form of communication. That statement is viewed by most people as a fact and not an opinion. The problem for parents isn’t determining if their baby is communicating. Their problem is deciding how to respond to this communication.

For a newborn, a baby cries in response to both external and internal stimuli. These are things like the temperature of the room or uncomfortable clothing (external stimuli) or hunger, pain, or discomfort (internal stimuli).  A newborn’s cries should never be ignored. Newborns have a very immature nervous system so they are extremely sensitive to the changes in and around them. They should be fed when they are hungry, changed when they are wet or dirty, made comfortable if they are in an uncomfortable position, and generally comforted when they are crying.

After the first 12 weeks of life, babies begin to have differentiated cries. Parents can begin to tell the difference between a “hungry” cry, a “tired” cry, a “pain” cry, and even an “I’m bored” cry.  Although a baby’s cries begin to communicate a clearer message to parents, their cries still communicate a message so they still should be responded to when they cry.

Why does it matter if their cries are responded to quickly? They’re just babies, they’re never going to remember it anyway. It matters tremendously! Erik Erikson, a German-born psychologist presented stages of development that children move through as they develop emotionally. The first stage of psychosocial (emotional and social) development, trust vs. mistrust, occurs during the first year of life. During this stage of development, a baby develops a sense of trust in other people, in themselves, and in the world around them if their needs are met. HOW? When they are hungry, someone comes to them and makes their hunger go away…they start to associate the comfort that was brought to them with the person that brought them comfort. When they are uncomfortably hot and they cry to let someone know, someone comes in, sees that they are sweaty, and puts them in cooler clothes and makes them comfortable. When their stomach hurts, they cry to let someone know and someone comes in and rocks, soothes, or burps them, and then they are comfortable. They learn to TRUST the people around them and in the world that they are living in because they are responded to when they have a need. For clarification, the “mistrust” portion of Erikson’s stage, trust vs. mistrust, is the opposite of the process explained. When the baby cries, no one comforts them. When they communicate a need, no one responds, or they have to wait for a long period of time before their need is met. The message that they receive is that their needs are not important, that people will not take care of them when they need care, and the foundation is laid for insecure attachments to form with parents and caregivers.

This process of learning to trust the caregivers in the baby’s life is referred to as attachment. Strong attachments form the basis of a secure infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood.

This blog has been something that I’ve thought about starting for a couple of years. This isn’t a “here is the right way to parent” blog…it’s more of a “have you thought about this?” blog. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Melodi Faris. I wear many hats. I am a wife. A mother. A daughter and a daughter-in-law. A sister and sister-in-law. A doctoral student and teaching assistant. A former kindergarten and elementary teacher. A workshop presenter.

The purpose of this blog is to present some ideas about parenting (and many other topics related to child development), backed up by research, and to generate some discussion. The information that will be presented is not based upon my personal experience as a parent although some of my experiences will be shared. Some of it I wish that I had known when my children were young. Two of my children are teenagers and one is about a year away from entering the teen years so I am by no means a seasoned professional when it comes to parenting but I do have 15 years of hands on experience. I also have had the enormous privilege of learning from some amazing professors while working on my PhD in Child Development and Early Education. My knowledge in the fields of child development, early childhood education, and neuroscience have increased beyond my expectations and I am looking forward to a few more years of continuing to learn from these educators.

I want the knowledge that I am gaining to serve a purpose greater than staying in the halls of academia or in the notebooks on my bookshelf. I want to get usable information to parents. Information that in many cases never leaves the pages of textbooks or research journals. What is the point of gaining new knowledge if the real consumers never know about it? Sort of like….if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it really make a sound?…if discoveries are made during research studies and consumers that could use the findings never hear about it, does the research really matter? Think of me as a “news reporter” of current research.

My first topical blog will be about responding to a baby’s cries. So in the format of the title of the blog, the topic will be….Respond quickly to a crying baby rather than letting him cry. Others will be: Read to your baby rather than trying to teach her to read and Let sharing be your child’s choice rather than making them share. Every topic won’t lend itself to being neatly packaged in a “do this not that” format but the purpose of the information will be the same…something to think about that might change the way you’ve always done something with your child.